Parting is such sweet sorrow

Just finished the script for Chop Bard Episode 19, which I will be recording tomorrow, and that will leave one last show for Romeo & Juliet. I started the podcast in June, 2008, and drug my feet for the first few episodes... It took over a year to get half way through the play. But then I hit a nice pace and have been chugging along nicely ever since. I'm about to complete the first series of the show, and while I am very proud of the work I've done, and very thankful that there are people out there starting to listen... I am also filled with a profound melancholy. It's one I've felt before.

Years ago, when I performed as Romeo, I was terribly depressed after each show. For a while I thought it was do to a lack of confidence in my performance. Yet each night when I arrived at the theatre, I was energized and ready; full of life and vigor. The show would rocket on, and I felt great. Then, before you know it- curtain call- boom: depressed. Thankfully, someone pointed out to me- "Look what you go through every night, as Romeo. That's bound to have an effect."
Light of wisdom.
Like all artists, when you put so much of yourself into your work, it becomes very personal. And when you yourself are the canvas, it's harder to let go. After spending so much time, preparing to play Romeo, I'd still have to let him go at the end of every night. I see why some actors stay in character the whole time- not a more intimate portrayal, but to avoid the pain of continually separating.

And then one night, comes the real end. The run is over, the play ends, and Romeo, at least my Romeo, is gone for real- and like most of the productions I've been in, a couple weeks of depression also ensues.
Of course, you get on with things. Find a new play, a new role, and the whole process starts over. And the pain never gets any less. It's always as sharp as the very first time.

So as I draw near the end of this Romeo & Juliet, I'm again faced with the shadow of great sadness. Not even the Black eyed Peas "I gotta feeling" can shake it. It might even be a little worse this time around; last time I was just responsible for Romeo- this time, I've had to become close all of the characters.
I must be crazy.

Either that, or I know this touch of sadness means it's something worth doing. So I keep moving forward. And hey, the show itself is far from ending; I've got one more R&J to do... and then there's Hamlet to start. And when he's done, yes there will be that dark arrow of sorrow in my heart again... but it will be followed by another show, another play, and so on, and on and on.

Okay, time for another round of “…that tonight’s gonna be a good night- that tonight’s gonna be a good, good night…"